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Home Lagoon of Mystery

home tiki bars

Lagoon of Mystery

Well-known member
It appears that Wayback Machine never archived my original TC thread for my build of the Lagoon of Mystery, which is unfortunate. Fortunately, much of the content exists on my person blog, so I will try to bring that over here to share in the weeks to come. To start things off, I'll share some recent photos we took of the space. It's an outdoor, 65' covered patio adjacent to a pool surrounded by palm trees and banana plants. It's a fantastic place to hang out for nine months of the year, but even our mild Central Texas winters can make it less than ideal for a quarter of the year.

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So, these are the humble beginnings of the Lagoon of Mystery, circa 2016. The Wife and I had started gravitating toward tiki, although we did not yet know tiki was a thing that existed outside of the 1950s. The house we had moved into a few years earlier had a pool surrounded by palm trees and a 65' covered patio that just screamed to entertain guests.

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Whilst floating in the pool during the summer of 2016, The Wife suggested that we needed a tiki bar. So I went online, found various plans for stand alone home bars, chose one I liked and tweaked it to fit the vision in my head. Again, we didn't know tiki culture existed. I didn't know anything about home bartending. At that point, we drank beer and wine and considered a rum and Coke with a splash of lime the height of mixology. I found a set of Siesta Ware glasses and a rattan wine rack on Craig's List, then picked up some Gremlins mugs from Alamo Draft House. At this point, I believed I was on the cutting edge of home tiki entertainment. Did I mention I didn't know anything about home bartending? If I had, I'd have made some different decisions with the build of this bar, but experience is the best teacher as they say.


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Sometime around December '16/Jan. '17 I discovered Tiki Central and realized I seriously needed to stop patting myself on the back and up my tiki game. I was seriously overwhelmed and didn't know where to start, so I followed the path of least resistance and decided to do something about the lights on the patio. They're a copper, "Lone Star" western motif that didn't fit our future tiki aesthetic at all. Having close to zero budget to replace them (and I wouldn't know what to replace them with even if I had the budget) I decided to camouflage them.

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By the by, the whole house was decked out in the western star motiff. We're still changing things out as we can. It's a never-ending struggle.

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I bought a role of the ever-popular reed fencing, cut it to size and double-wrapped it over the light sconce. I tied it on using thin black wire with flexible glue added for good measure.

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The previous owners didn't like insects, so the slathered Tanglefoot over everything. Everything. This becomes the bane of my existence later on. For some reason, they seem to think it repelled insects. No, it's sticky and traps them, and they die. This attracts more insects to feast on the dead carcasses, which in turn get trapped and die. On up to lizards, small snakes... it become a putrid mess. Mineral spirits strip away the Tanglefoot, but you still have to deal with the putrid organic mess left behind. They spread that stuff all over the tops of the sconces. Ugh. It took more time cleaning this garbage up than the rest of the project combined. I did five of these sconces.

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The end result, however, turned out pretty nice, considering I had no idea what I was doing and just made it up as I go along. Now, five years later, I've started thinking about replacing them with something more fun and outright tiki, but they've served their purpose well.

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I'll get back to the build in a little bit, but I wanted to share some images of the Lagoon in action. We host Dive-In Movies every summer, and they've grown progressively more popular. We pick a slate of retro films and pair a themed cocktail with it. Alas, we weren't able to host any in 2020 and were able to get in two the summer of 2021 before a local resurgence of COVID scuttled the remainder of the slate. But we're already planning for this year--can't wait for this winter weather to go away so we can hit the pool!

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I had two stereo speakers mounted to the patio roof that needed attention. They were whiteish, dirty and decidedly un-tiki. I got them down easily enough, but the were nastier than I thought. Completely disgusting. Hosing them off accomplished nothing.

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As you can see below, the previous owners of our house--they of the "Never met anything Tanglefoot wouldn't look good on" inclination--decided to smear Tanglefoot all over the tops of these speakers. In the decade or so since they went up, untold generations of insects, reptiles and possibly small mammals have met their demise atop these speakers, and since decomposed into a sticky, organic goo. It took a lot of mineral spirits to get them clean!

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Once clean, I realized there was a problem. These were outdoor-rated speakers, but even so, the plastic housings were crumbling due to UV damage. The scary thing is that they were under the patio, protected from sunlight, so the damage was from reflected UV. I needed to paint them for UV protection. I started with a tan base coat.

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Then an idea struck me--why stop there? I used masking tape to mark off some crude patterns on the speakers...

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Then hit them with a coat of darker brown.

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Voila, pseudo-primitive tribal look unlocked.

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I got a little more elaborate with the masking on the front speaker screens.

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I have to say, I was quite happy with the way they turned out.

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I'd go with different designs if I had to do it over again today, but the basic concept holds.

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While I was at it, I also gave the same treatment to the doorbell chimes. I have to say, people grossly underestimate what can be accomplished by something as simple as a coat of paint (or in this case, two coats).

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By this point in my build, it was late spring/early summer and I had to do something about the white ceiling. Because my space is outdoors, I did not have confidence lauhala matting would prove durable. Our summers have high humidity and insects and spiders would quickly claim the crevices and folds... I needed something easy to keep clean that wouldn't need replacing every few years. So this is where Southern tradition comes in. Travel around the South, and you'll see the ceilings of many porches painted "haint blue" which supposedly discourages insects from taking up residence. I thought, why not adapt this for my tiki needs?

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First, I pressure washed the ceiling. There was a crazy amount of dust and dirt caked up there from years of neglect. Once it dried, I got to painting. The blue I selected was much bolder and darker than haint blue, but suitable for a tropical lagoon. Especially if one wanted to project the illusion that we're actually under water.

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I have to say, there are many advantages to having 9 foot ceilings, but painting them is not easy on one's back.

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To further the underwater illusion, I projected silhouettes of sea creatures onto the painted ceiling, outlined them with a Sharpie marker, then painted them in with a darker shade of blue.

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Turns out that two coats of paint were necessary for both the blue water and the darker silhouettes.

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The sea turtle was the first I painted and convinced me this idea would work. I'm still really happy with the way it turned out.

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Alas, not every great idea turns out. I've had plenty of failures and blind alleys. Case in point: Caustic ripples. To further the underwater effect, I hit upon the idea of painting refracted sunlight ripple effect on the ceiling. I got a lighter shade of blue and went to work. Guess what? It looked like crappy seaweed. I started out using printed photos as a visual reference. When that didn't work, I used the projector to shine ripples onto the ceiling, then tracing over them. Guess what? That didn't work, either. I eventually admitted defeat and painted over this folly.

Side note: When we first got the idea for painting the underwater seascape, we reached out to local artists to see if we could hire them to do so. None of them wanted to touch the project. The one that considered it quoted us a price for several thousand dollars. I ended up completing it myself for the cost of a couple cans of paint and a feeling of personal accomplishment.

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One downside of having a bright blue ceiling was that the old ceiling fans in place that we'd previously assumed were white were now revealed to be dirty, old and yellowed from years of UV exposure. They were seriously nasty looking, so for our anniversary The Wife gifted me a pair of new fans, outdoor rated and much more tropical.

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As a bonus, these fans came with lights. This was a much-needed addition, because previously the only lights on the patio were the wall sconces, and they put out a wholly inadequate amount of illumination, even for a tiki bar. Alas, the lights on the new fans were decidedly untiki, so I had to figure out a way to rectify that shortfall in the future. But clearly, the new fans were a vast improvement over the previous ones, don't you think?

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